Jolly old Saint Lucifer

‘Tis the season to hail Satan! Yes, you read that right. With the nauseating Christmas tunes and decorations rearing their head way too early once again, I encourage you to look towards the true symbol, icon and representation of holiday beliefs: the Dark Lord himself.

While many of us love the holiday season, it’s definitely become a bit more shallow and self-gratifying. We focus so much on the gift-giving and the appearance of being a good person, rather than just, you know, being a good person. I, for one, have no time, money, or patience to go all out on a materialistic gift, or multiple gifts, for someone. Like, “I can only show you how much you mean to me by throwing green paper at another human and obtaining some asinine material object that’s supposed to exemplify how much I care.” WHAT?

This time of year has always brought about a communal sense of joy and unity, but I don’t believe in the authenticity: so much marketing, so many lies and deceit, internally and externally. But you know who won’t lie to you? Satan. Ah, yes, the Dark Lord himself has offered many a sage nugget of wisdom that embodies honesty, self-love, and community that I believe can be helpful for people looking to get back into the real holiday spirit.

In the Satanic Bible, Anton LaVey detailed and listed out the word of Satan, which, in a nutshell, explains that the true way to live is by expressing self-love, kindness unto those who deserve it, and unwavering and pure honesty. Now, I know what you’re already thinking as you clutch your rosaries in despair: “I do love myself, I am kind, I am honest.” I never said you weren’t, but, plot twist: maybe you think a Satanist believing in the same thing as you means you’re doing something wrong, and that is just not correct, Barbara.

The holiday season is meant to bring people together, to celebrate loved ones and to not be so high and mighty with why you care for others. The Christmas/holiday season feels so much  like a pageant: it’s fake, there’s glitter everywhere, people are smiling but are fully not happy, and there is usually only a prize for those who people believe deserve based on slightly false pretenses. I think with some guidance from Satan’s book, people can practice humility, and really bring into focus what makes them a good person, and how they should be treating people.

Sabrina Spellman got it wrong: you do want to sign the Book of the Beast. Pledge yourself to the Dark Lord and you will know the truth. A life of humility and happiness and love awaits you in a world of darkness and hatred. This holiday season, make a promise to yourself that you will seek out love from within, love from those deserving of you, and that you will only summon a demon to hunt down those enemies who are most deserving of absolute and brutal suffering.

Forget Santa Claus, forget Jesus, forget the Grinch, and even forget Krampus. Satan is the true Christmas/Holiday figure that you need to model yourself after this year. This is a lot to learn from LaVey and Satanism that can truly change your worldview and the view of yourself, as well as the way you let other people perceive you. Take a risk, and make that sacrifice to be a better person. We do not need materialistic objects, peppermint mocha, or twinkling lights to get in the spirit. The spirit is in us, or sometimes it is in Hell waiting to be unleashed. But that is beside the point.

Happy holidays, my friends, colleagues, witches and warlocks. Praise Satan! Please take this with a grain of salt, I am not in a cult, I do not praise Satan, please educate yourself on Satanism before you burn me at the stake. Have a blessed holiday!

Douglas Hardman